Is it Growing Pains or More?

I’ve heard somewhere, over the years, that people who have experienced trauma or depression in their life are more susceptible to experiencing postpartum. I’ve also heard that postpartum can be the “trigger” that brings depression to the surface. Meaning, someone may have always been susceptible to depression, but the after effects of childbirth is what allowed it out.

While this may not be the case for everyone…it definitely was for me.

I know that all too often people want to blame others for the way their life “ended up”. I’m not one of those, anymore…or at least I make a very diligent effort to avoid it. While people can disappoint you, influence you and affect your life, no one is to blame for what you decide to do with it, but you. Additionally, I don’t believe that anyone can ever say that their own decisions, actions, reactions did not played a part in what they experienced in life.

13 Reasons Why

Not sure how many of you have Netflix, or of you’ve been curious at all about the Netflix original “13 Reasons Why“. Personally, I have to admit, I wasn’t. My husband on the other hand was and started watching it one night.

Let’s just say after watching the first episode, I left the room and cried for half an hour. Naturally, I swore off ever watching it again. Don’t get me wrong, it has a very talented cast, and the way they execute the storyline is amazing, and their depiction of life in high school was (for me) spot on. If you can detach from the emotions that stem from the show or if you did not experience those types of events in high school, then you should be fine to watch it.

A few days later my husband was watching it again. I avoided it, and relaxed outside and enjoyed some overdue alone time. One of the grandma’s had picked up the kid for a sleepover, so we got a day of uninterrupted time at home.

However, I did later sit down with him for a few minutes to see what we wanted to do for dinner, and I got sucked into the show again. Couldn’t stop watching for about 3 episodes.

The last episode I watched, left me feeling as though I had pulled a bandaid off of a shotgun wound. The pent-up feelings I had swept under the rug (or I thought) came flooding through, and things I hadn’t thought about in two decades were suddenly at the forefront of my mind…and all the emotional baggage associated with them were on my heart. The tears came flooding through, again.

This time though, my husband came and pulled me close to him and just ever so gently hugged me and allowed me to cry on his chest. He knew exactly why I was upset after that particular episode, and he was trying so hard to be there for me.

What happened in the episode you may wonder? Well, a girl was raped.

Hindsight

I personally cannot begin to comprehend the evil that people are capable of. Anytime I see or hear about terrorist attacks, missing children, sexual abuse, any abuse or even just the conniving lies people tell, I am literally shocked. I cannot fathom how people come up with this shit and justify it as being “the right thing to do”. I can only assume that larger percentages of those kinds of human actions are derived from severe mental disabilities…I mean they have to be, right?

Neither here nor there (and I am in no way justifying what happened to me), but looking back I realize that if I had followed the rules and been where I was supposed to be, I probably would have never been raped. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that single event ended up creating a downward spiral, snowball effect in my life for several years to come.

Strength? or Weakness?

One question that always rings with me, is whether a person can blame how their life “turned out”, to one event?

To this, I believe it depends on the individual and the event. Every single person has their own threshold (physically and mentally), and sometimes you don’t know what yours is until you’re pushed to that point. It literally becomes survival of the fittest, and for me I learned at a very young age to be a survivor of life. Constantly struggling for a moment away from the fight or flight mentality, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I stubbornly pushed my way through, until life became a task list.

Final Thoughts

There are always different perceptions and perspectives, and whether they are right or wrong, people derive their own about themselves as well as others all of the time.

But, who’s to say that someone else’s are wrong?

For instance, a small child may throw a temper tantrum because they didn’t get what they wanted. A teen may be incredibly dramatic about something because of “teen hormones”. An adult may just snap at the people they love over the simplest non-essential thing.

…but what if we took the time to look past the yelling, defensive front? Would we find that what the person was yelling about has nothing to do with what the problem actually is?

Maybe we find out that the child is having a difficult time adjusting to a new schedule and they don’t know how to identify or explain what they are feeling yet.

Maybe the emotional teen is being bullied, but feels that people would say they’re making it up for attention.

Maybe the snippy adult is battling depression and anxiety, and by the end of the day after work, family, and the never ending to-do’s…they just have nothing left in them and are hoping upon hope, that someone will catch them and tell them that they did a good job.

 

 

 

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