I often feel as though I spend a large part of my day “reasoning”. If it’s not with my own internal dialogue, then its discussions with my daughter, my husband, coworkers, etc. I feel as though I am constantly having to explain the intent of not only my verbal or physical actions/reactions, but also those of others, all the while needing to actively be in the moment, so that I don’t say or do something that could possibly be perceived as wrong.
Needless to say, there are some parts of a day (or even entire days) where I get so broken down from it all and I just say “Nevermind”.
Nevermind about listening to me explain, yet again what I battle, daily. Nevermind about the chronic pain and migraines I suffer, day in and day out. Nevermind about my wants, preferences, needs. Nevermind the racing images that feel like shards of glass in my head…nevermind that I never get a “break” from them. Nevermind about the extra burden I carry in every thought and step. Nevermind the fact that I was strong enough to keep it at bay and get through the day. I don’t want the extra weight of justifying, explaining, convincing…so, just Nevermind.