I read a blog post last week that was discussing “high-functioning depression” and for some reason, since reading the blog, I have not been able to stop thinking about labels.
It’s humorous to me, because people get extremely defensive when someone “labels” them…yet because of our individual identity crises, we sit here and find new ways to label ourselves.
At the end of the day, depression is still depression, right?
I’ve definitely had a few psychologists say that I’m a very high-functioning person, and people are typically surprised when I share with them that I battle depression. Between my 4-year old, my husband, my drive to do well at my job, house cleaning, errands, life…I somehow manage (for the most part) to get shit handled and .
Don’t get me wrong, 98% of the time when I wake up in the morning I wish I could just pull the blanket over my head and stay there alone all day. Maybe since I’m the only one around in the morning to get our daughter dressed and to daycare is a blessing?: I’m betting if my husband were able to take her, I’d give in to the depression and most likely be out of a job because of too many days missed.
Another driver for me, is my daughter. I never want my daughter to suffer just because I do. It’s not her fault that I have depression and anxiety, so why should she have to ever feel that it is?
I’m not trying to deceive my daughter; when she is old enough I will share and/or answer any questions she may have about my battle. She is aware that I have bad days, where I tend to take more naps, and for right now, she understands that “mommy has an ouchie and doesn’t feel well”. Usually, on those days we’ll snuggle up on the couch and watch movies together!
Fortunately, these mommy ouchie days are becoming less frequent and I can honestly attribute it to finally finding the correct combination of prescriptions (for the depression) and from having learned my triggers as well as limits (for the anxiety). Allowing myself down-time and not feeling guilty for it has been huge, but (as mentioned in a previous post) focusing on one day at a time has helped with that.
If you suffer depression and anxiety you may have nothing but bad and worse days, you might be lucky and have more good than bad…but no matter what it is still depression. If you feel better about your battle by calling it “high-functioning”, then so be it. I personally, don’t feel the need to be labeled even further than I already am.
Gonna Let It Shine
No matter what you or society call it, it is a daily fight for survival. So, please if you can see the light, no matter how dim or brief in your day, then I recommend that you hold onto that little glimmer of hope to give you the strength to get through the day. Every day does not have to be some “outta the park” success of productivity…there are literally days where getting out of bed and taking a shower is the only thing I manage to accomplish. However, not feeling guilty that I couldn’t do more is what allows me to try again tomorrow.